Don’t Get Comfortable: Discomfort Means You Are Doing Recovery Right

Don’t Get Comfortable: Discomfort Means You Are Doing Recovery Right

No one wants to struggle. No one wants to be uncomfortable. No one wants to feel pain, fear, or distress.

An individual with an eating disorder doesn’t want to be struggling with an eating disorder.

An individual with an eating disorder doesn’t want to be uncomfortable in his or her own body, uncomfortable with being seen for fear of being judged, uncomfortable in any situation relating to food.

An individual with an eating disorder doesn’t want to feel the pain of starvation following days of malnutrition or the pain of fullness following a binge episode or the pain of muscles being eaten away as the extra mile is agonizingly run.

An individual with an eating disorder doesn’t want to feel the fear of food at every meal, the fear of gaining even an ounce, the fear of loss of control, loss of self, loss of life.

An individual with an eating disorder doesn’t want to feel the distress of constantly battling the terrible voice of the eating disorder, of seeing potential, hope, and life being stripped away, piece by piece, of knowing that the power to recover is in their hands and only theirs.

So if all of this is true, why is it so hard to stand up to the eating disorder and say “No”? Why is it so hard to “just eat it”, to “just stop working out so much”, to “just keep the food down”, to “just gain the weight”, to “just give it up”? Why is it so hard to take that step away from struggle, discomfort, pain, fear and distress and towards freedom, comfort, calmness, happiness, and life?

These are questions that I face from both myself and others, leading me to wonder the true answer underlying these question.

The answer lies in the complicated truth that initial recovery is not the place of freedom, comfort, calmness, happiness, and full life that we are promised we will have when we recover. Initial recovery is an immense amount of struggle. An immense amount of discomfort. An immense amount of pain. An immense amount of fear. An immense amount of distress. And this is incredibly confusing, discouraging, and intimidating. Especially when the eating disorder manipulates its lies to make us believe that we are comfortable, happy, free, and successful as long as we listen to its commands. So we live day by day, blindly following the eating disorder as it lies us into comfort and convinces us that there is no point in pursuing recovery if it only leads us into pain, suffering, fear, and discomfort.

And this appears, to outsiders, as if an individual with an eating disorder wants to struggle, wants to be in pain, wants to feel discomfort, fear, and distress. Because, to outsiders, if something causes struggle, and pain, and discomfort, and distress, you fix it. You find any way you can to make the situation better. And, so, to outsiders, it is frustrating, confusing, and difficult to understand what is taking so long in deciding to choose recovery over the eating disorder.

And I understand why you would feel that way. Because, often, I feel that way towards myself, too. I am constantly asking myself why I continually self-perpetuate my struggle, pain, and discomfort when I know there is a way out. Why I continue to listen to the lies of the eating disorder when I know that they are lies. Why I continue to be too afraid to face the initial struggle, discomfort, pain, and fear that come with beginning the recovery process, even though I know that this ultimately leads to the life in recovery I so deeply envision and desire.

And, just as confusing as it may be, I believe the answer is that so many individuals with eating disorders struggle to find recovery because it is easier to believe the lies of the eating disorder and live in its falsified comfort, happiness, and success than to gather up the immense amount of energy, strength, and courage necessary to break loose and subject yourself to the initial struggle, discomfort, and fear that accompany the recovery process. Especially when the amount and duration of the struggle, discomfort, and fear is unknown and is different for everyone. The eating disorder makes us ask ourselves: Why stray from the complacent, predictable, controlled world of the eating disorder into the uncomfortable, unpredictable, uncontrolled world outside?

But the question we must ask ourselves, in return, is: Why continue living in a world of lies, a world of false comfort and happiness, a world of struggle and pain, when you can live in a world of true happiness, comfort, and life that is created by YOU and only you? Why not give recovery a shot and test it out ourselves? Why not find that energy, strength, and courage to push through the initial unknown struggle and discomfort and find the world in recovery that is absolutely on the other side?

Since when has anything that has ever been worth it been easy?

Recovery is everything but easy. Recovery is, and will probably always be, the hardest battle you face and conquer. But recovery is also the most wonderful outcome. The most wonderful reward to your hard work. Recovery is one hundred percent worth every step in the fight to your beautiful life.

So, the first step is taking that step. Taking that step into the unknown knowing that the unknown is only temporary. And that the unknown leads to the most amazing, most beautiful, most full of life outcome possible: recovery.

TEMPORARY is the key word. Temporary is a key difference. A key difference between the discomfort, pain, and struggle when beginning recovery and the discomfort, pain, and struggle that the eating disorder brings along with it. Recovery discomfort is TEMPORARY. It does not last forever. I promise. I have witnessed it myself during my first journey to recovery. But eating disorder discomfort, pain, and struggle never end. Never subside. And only get increasingly worse, stronger, and debilitating. So, what will you chose? Temporary discomfort for lasting comfort, happiness, and life? Or the never-ending discomfort and struggle of an eating disorder covered up by lies and deception?

An even more essential difference between the discomfort and struggle felt in recovery and the discomfort and struggle brought upon by the eating disorder is what each represents and the underlying causes for each. A common question that I ask myself, and I am sure a question that has been pondered by many others struggling and watching others struggle, is as follows: Why is recovery, a life change that is supposed to be a positive, self-fulfilling, freeing shift towards happiness and real life, characterized by such an initial struggle of discomfort, pain, and fear?

And here is my interpretation of the answer.

Because in choosing recovery over your eating disorder, you are choosing to kill your eating disorder, to kill every single behavior, thought, rule, pattern, habit, manipulation, and lie, to kill the voice that has its own power to kill. And death is painful, agonizing, and scary. So as you slowly begin to kill your eating disorder, you are feeling the discomfort that is associated with its death because the eating disorder, has unfortunately, become a part of you. So, in a way, you are killing a part of yourself that has been taken over by a monster to give rise to the full, beautiful, true you that hasn’t yet had the opportunity to show its true light. To kill your eating disorder will hurt. But the death of your eating disorder is the birth of your life. And the birth of your life is completely full of peace, happiness, and freedom. Completely full of the life in recovery that you are so deserving of living.

So, the discomfort and struggle associated with beginning the recovery journey are the direct result of taking your life back. And making the necessary changes to take your life back are going to be difficult, at first, because change is difficult. Breaking the behaviors, habits, and thought patterns that have become such natural parts of your life will be uncomfortable as is any shift in routine or lifestyle. But change is temporary. And once you begin the process of change, change no longer is change, and change is your new life. The new life you deserve to live.

Not only will you face change, but you will face the retaliation of your eating disorder that so desperately wants to live, that so desperately wants to convince you to let it stay and improve your life. Your eating disorder has used you, manipulated you, and made you its prisoner. And it will do anything to keep you as its prisoner. Your eating disorder doesn’t want to die. So it put up a fight. And you must fight back. With all your strength, courage, and energy. Because you don’t want to die either, and your life is completely, absolutely, infinitely more important than the life of your eating disorder.

So back to the most important difference between the struggle of recovery and the struggle of the eating disorder: the source and outcome of the discomfort. The discomfort of initiating recovery is a result of the death of your eating disorder. The outcoming being the birth of your life. And the discomfort of living with an eating disorder is a result AND outcome of the death of your true, beautiful, resilient life. This is your choice. And only your choice. Will you choose the life of your eating disorder over your own, or will you take that first step to initiating your recovery and saving your life over the life of your eating disorder?

The best things in life never come easy. Never come without hard work, perseverance, and dedication. And never come with regrets.

The best things in life start with the one decision. The decision to begin.

#NationalEatingDisorderAwarenessWeek